i can do it again

i love being able to eat less and less.
i used to always get seconds at dinner, and now i didnt even finish my first very small portion. i just eat slowly, only take another bite after having completely finished the previous one, and drink water. and breathe.
its still kind of hard at dinner though. my mom is checking on me a lot about that. she sees im taking smaller portions and it feels like shes trying to control me.
this is one of the reasons i want to move out again. so i will be in control of my diet again.
when i was living by myself, most of the time i didnt feel like eating but was so hungry at the end of the day, that i ate dinner anyway. well, a very small, and/or very healthy dinner.
just some cooked or raw veggies, and sometimes a bit of bread or rice or pasta. cant help it, i love pasta. but i almost never made sauce. i dont think its necessairy.

i do realize though, that i will never reach my goal if i continue to eat like this. i look at that skinny frame of nicole after her diet, and feel ashamed of my body.
i mean im not as fat as she was before she decided to change, but im definately not as thin as she is now. and then i think, IF SHE CAN DO IT, SO CAN I!! even better; IF I COULD DO IT BEFORE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

im sure its simply a matter of not obsessing about food anymore. i didnt weigh myself, didnt check in the mirror as much, and just didnt think about food so that i just didnt think about temptations. and then i wasnt even tempted after a while!
so everytime i weighed myself and checked the mirror i was pleasently surprised. i always felt like i should loose more weight, but i was happy about the change.

tomorrow morning i want to weigh myself, so that at least i know where im at, right now.