fruit fast

today i waited until 3pm to eat something, i ate an orange. before that i had three vitamins. they have a very nice taste of orange, they are my new addiction i guess. too bad after that, i felt hungry and ate a few cookies and crackers with peanutbutter:(
please dont make me gain weight. if i eat like this everyday i will never be thin. tomorrow i definitely have to fast, or at least keep to my fruit fast.

fruit fasting is how i lost most of my ugly weight in the first place.. untill i gained almost all of it back. now it HAS to work.
a fruit fast is eating only fresh fruit (and veggies). you get all the nutricious blahblah your body needs to stay healthy, and you loose weight without feeling hungry.
own experience: sometimes even after eating a lot of fruit i still felt hungry and then i ate a carrot, and i felt better. what also helps are bananas, they fill your stomach quite easily.
cant believe how much i ate and just kept shedding fat!

extra tricks: dont eat until youre hungry
nuts are allowed, but unsalted and not too many because they have a lot of fat in them, what we are trying to avoid. but back then i was mostly avoiding animal products, so i had to eat nuts for my calcium since i wasnt eating any dairy.

today i was really stupid eating those things(cant bear to name them again) while i had fruit in the house. i didnt keep my promise and i feel so stupid! im really not worth anything. i wish i didnt need food. i wish i felt as strong as then, i could just watch food in the supermarket and not even for a second thinking if i wanted it! i just didnt, and thats all.

why eat something that fattens you? i dont even really want that food, its just what i learned to be nice food. i mean from commercials and people saying that is tasted good or whatever. i shouldnt be such a fool. i wish i could take back what i ate.
i used to purge. everyday, several times a day. i remember the easiest thing to purge was icecream. because its kinda liquid, and doesnt get this vomit taste so quickly. if you throw up quickly after eating it of course.

but i dont want that anymore. its really putting me off, and i cant imagine the consequences if someone caught me. id rather be caught not eating than purging! not eating you can just say you didnt feel like it or that whatever it was went bad, so you threw it away. normal! but leaning over the toilet or sink with your finger in your throat.. not so convincing saying you felt sick..

so, i posted my anger about myself. enough. now i will try to eat as little as possible when my mom gets back. she will be home a bit late she said, so i might even be able to say i already ate something.
i tried, i failed, but now i will succeed!
x